The inspiration behind these cards are the playing cards developed by George W Bush and his administration of war hawks disseminated to our troops on the eve of the 2003 U.S. invasion of Iraq. Somebody, more than likely Donald Rumsfeld, thought that giving out 52-card playing decks of targeted Iraqi military players and politicians divvied by suit, and ranked by card value, would benefit our boys and keep them safe during the rampage of a sovereign nation.

Unlike the Bush administration, B.R. Cards believes in quality and value, and always has the consumer in mind. Therefore, our cards were made with top quality, casino-grade paperboard for our playing cards. Also unlike BushCo, we believe in the notion that an educated public makes for a healthy republic, and so we jampacked each and every card with verified data. The goal continues to be exposing government officials who waste taxpayer money and time with self-serving bullshit.

We like transparency. Data for these cards were sourced online from the websites OpenSecrets.org, Wikipedia.com, Senate.gov, and various local news websites from around the country. Please visit the references section at the bottom of this page for links to all quotes.

In the spirit of President George W Bush, the science we went with was our gut. We began with the most obvious — Mitch McConnell as the Ace of Spades as Martha McSally as the Two of Clubs – proceeded to fill in the rest of the pieces. Was it happenstance that the crazies were 8s and all the 4s were fascists or simply the nature of the beast? We did reserve Spades for conniving back stabber types, and Diamonds for those with an exorbitant amount of money. The longer tenure generally earned a higher numerical value, as almost all the current senators who were around in some form for the Clinton impeachment were considered higher up cards. Of course, the Aces are special.

The process could have benefited from the use of an algorithm, but in the end, each Republican senator fell into place as mindlessly as they fell into line.

B.R. Cards is not in the position to discuss anybody’s sexuality, and we do admit that designating one male as a Queen would appear to do just that. Sole Member did solicit the opinion of the LGBT folks in his social circle. Granted, this was a small sample size (two Gs, one L, one B, no Ts) but the decision was unanimous. L said, “Miss Lindsey as a Queen is a no-brainer,” and one of the Gs pre-empted my question with his own. “Is Lindsey a Queen?”

While Frank had offered a stiff voice of opposition, Danielle understood. At the end of the day, this was Sole Member’s decision to make, so please leave Frank out of any hate mail.

Context is the key to everything. Within it lies the joke. It may be a droll joke, or a bad joke, but it’s a joke. Like when a certain senator asks and answers, “Were the President’s actions perfect? No.” as reason for not wishing to even hear from additional witnesses, and it turns out he was a former state Attorney General, well, that’s a joke.

The former CEOs who made millions of dollars before deciding they wanted to embark into politics partly to deny people health care are total jokes themselves, and anything they say has to be considered hysterical. Those are rules of the English language.

The whole project is a taste of dark humor. It’s like Fargo but everything documented on our cards really did happen. Enjoy!

Sole Member went to a school that taught him proper nouns were always capitalized, and that President, when used to identify a particular individual who happened to be the President of the United States, was to be capitalized. Therefore, in quotes on cards, where the source did not capitalize president, we made the executive decision to capitalize the word when it referred directly to the impeached president Donald J Trump. In this case, the term president is used identification of the role, as in a president who had been impeached, rather than the impeached President which refers directly to Trump.

The same goes with senators who work in the Senate, as much as House reps are representatives who work in the House.

Not discussed in this 5th grade class was whether or not the concept of Deep State should be capitalized. As an ambiguous term directed towards a particular group of government officials who do or do not exist, Sole Member is of the camp that, yes, it should be capitalized. Anyway, a lower case deep state seems to normalize the concept. And much like the Klan hide behind sheets, and Nazis like to claim they don’t really exist, the Deep State deserves to be identified.

In addition to excelling at English, a young Sole Member attended social studies courses where he learned about the factors of democracy and the role of government. It was during this same 5th grade year that Puerto Rico was discussed as a potential 51st state of the Union with Washington, D.C. coming in 52nd. If they were currently states, in terms of population, Puerto Rico would rank 31^st and D.C. 50^th. Combined, their populations amount to almost 4 million people.

The population of Wyoming is less than 600,000. Alaska has less than 700,000. The two Dakotas combined measure about 1.7 million. All eight of their senators are Republican, and all voted to exonerate Trump of his impeachment charges. or that matter, New York state has 18.8 million residents and California has 39.7 million. All four of their senators are Democratic, and they represent more than 19-times the population of Wyoming + Alaska + the two Dakotas.

Basic freaking math.

As mentioned in the spiel, the 2020 Senate Impeachment Trial Acquittal playing cards is the first product in the B.R. Cards catalog. And considering the amount of dirty handed politics and corruption committed by the Republican Party in charge, there’s bound to be a whole lot more. Americans are sick and tired of being sick and tired and they are ready for a sardonic laugh. Even those who don’t like the drawings or get much of the purpose of the data can appreciate the fact that God spoke to Mitt, and said, “Let the kid make his deck of cards, for fuck sake.”

That alone might be worth the investment.

We at B.R. Cards don’t want to get ahead of ourselves by proclaiming a $15 pack of cards will translate into a greater value somewhere down the line. But we also don’t know. As it is, we will be producing only 25,000 Gold Back versions of these cards, and only on this site. After that, the 2020 Senate Impeachment Trial Acquittal playing cards will be made available at fine novelty card shops across America with a yet to be established standard B.R. Cards back and box. Granted, we may only sell one of those decks, but then that would create two collector’s items, which from our perspective is a Win-Win.

Should the master plan take effect and we, in fact, sell 50,001 decks of 2020 Senate Impeachment Trial Acquittal playing cards, thereby declaring the Gold Back edition as the true collector’s item to one day to fetch a pretty patch of bitcoins, then all three potential products in the poll will be coming down the pike. You can take that to the bank.

The B.R. Cards catalog will not go silently into the night. No sir.

At B.R. Cards, we wish to help strengthen the foundations of our society, and that includes utilizing the United States Postal Service, an entity ensured by our Constitution, for all shipments. We offer Ground, Priority, and Priority Express mail options. As much as we appreciate the USPS, we know its decision-making skills aren’t the best. We know that they are still run by a Grade A Asshole who continues to insist that cutting service is a necessary way to cut costs, even though executive compensation serves absolutely nobody. As a result of this neo-liberal bullshit, First Class Retail has been axed. Ground service will probably add 1-2 days to most shipments, but have no fear, as your cards will still get there. Priority and Priority Express are still reliant on air delivery and is not affected.

Ground Service price are affected by both weight and distance. In terms of the former, there is a distinct jump in postage from 4 to 5 decks. Orders at 5 decks and more will be shipped via Priority should you choose Ground.

Good news, ex-patriots and empathetic foreign allies. We now ship internationally. Provided the U.S.P.S. is capable of reaching your neck of the woods beyond our borders, you can get your own slice of American history. It’s a small world, after all.

A refund will be given provided a shipment hasn’t been made. However, the processing fee Paypal charges the company is not returned to us, and your refund from Banana Republicards, LLC may or may not reflect that. These processing fees are based on a percentage of your final payment and routinely fall in the range of $0.88-2.00. If it is determined the system went down and caused a double order to occur, then we will handle the fees on our end.

We will always reach out by email should we suspect an error was made during processing.

Thank you for understanding.

Please email B.R. Cards at bananarepublicards@gmail.com with any questions, concerns, and comments.

Twitter decided the @brcards1 account was too mean to Governor Greg Abbott for telling him to go roll off a cliff (which is merely an adaptation of taking a long walk off a short pier but directed at a fascist in a wheelchair) one too many times and banned the account. So you can’t follow such whimsy there any more. B.R. Cards does have a Facebook account, even though Facebook (and by extension, Instagram) can go fuck themselves.

Fans of B.R. Cards who happen to enjoy their Facebook experience, and those ingrained in the Twitterverse, are welcome to spread the news themselves. We hear that somehow going viral is good for business.

Thank you for your interest.